Parenting Today's Teens - Six Stress-Less Tips

Family life with teens can be hectic.
There may be before- and after-school activities, and some teens even have part-time jobs as well. On top of this, the pull of technology reduces face-to-face communication.

The challenge for you as parents is to make the most of the time you do have with your teens-preparing them for adulthood as they morph from "me-ism" into independent, responsible adults-but at the same time minimizing the "stress factor.

" Here are my top-six tips for reducing parental stress and improving communication at home, while at the same time providing your teens with an opportunity to develop some life skills.
1. Don't tell; suggest: Recognize that your children are becoming young adults, and as adults, they will be expected to make decisions on their own, so start preparing them by making suggestions.
When you tell them something, you are saying, "I don't trust you have the ability to decide for yourself.
" Telling teens what to do is often interpreted as your trying to control them, and, in turn, you may experience much resistance to your alleged "demands.

" For example, your teen is getting ready to go out with friends.
It's cloudy outside and you know the weather forecast is for thundershowers.

You can tell them, "Wear your coat and take an umbrella, it's going to rain!" Or you can say, "Looks like it's going to rain.

What are you planning to wear?" The second statement gets them thinking; they assess the situation and can come to a conclusion that is hopefully rational or suitable.
The goal here is to get them thinking.
Remember, we are not born with good judgment. It's a skill that we develop over time, and "suggesting" is an effective way to develop your teens' decision-making skills.
2. Give praise for good efforts: Have you ever noticed how easy it is for us to see our teens' shortcomings and mistakes, and how difficult it is to see their good efforts, their attempts to do things properly? Try your best to pay attention to their good efforts.
One evening I was working late at the office.

My teen daughter called and asked what I wanted for dinner. I was speechless for about five seconds (but pleasantly surprised), then I replied, "Pasta." When I arrived home, she had a hot pasta dinner all ready to eat.

I began to eat and realized she had added about two pounds of salt in the sauce.

I began to cough and had to quickly grab for a glass of water.

Now I could have criticized her for cooking with too much salt, but instead I told her I appreciated her making dinner, and that she had saved me an hour of cooking time, and then I showed her the right amount of salt to use the next time. Try to focus on what your teens are doing right, and acknowledge good efforts. Praising and appreciating your teens goes a long way toward building their self-esteem and motivating them to do even more things right. 3.
Plan a family night: Plan an evening where everyone gets together-either at home or on an outing-and do an activity together, or have a discussion. At my home, our ground rule is that all devices are turned off (TV, computer/laptop, iPod, cell phones/Blackberrys and e-games).
Family night has many benefits: It promotes the art of face-to-face communication (which is fading in our techno-obsessed North American culture); you are creating family memories that will last a long time; and you find common ground with your teens when you play, hang out and talk together. One family night we played monopoly, and during the game we had a discussion about managing money, and whether it's better to buy or rent a home.

We had fun, but it was also a learning opportunity for my three teens.
Another time we played mini-putt and beach volleyball-it was a night of laughter as we had hits and misses and fell in the sand a few times. In the end, family night is about reconnecting, and that is priceless! 4.
Listen to them: Parenting is not just about your expectations of your children; it's also about meeting their needs. Listening is the way to understand teens' needs. They need to know you understand and they are being heard.

I have always found that the best time to "check in" with my teens is right after dinner, because, typically, when I arrive home, everyone is busy doing homework and I am busy with tasks, such as getting dinner ready and checking the mail.
After dinner we begin to wind down for the day, and everyone is more at ease and receptive.

Try to set aside thirty minutes before you retire to bed to ask your teens about their day-topics such as what's going on during the week, if they need anything for school projects and how their studying is going.
Make time to listen.
5.
Talk about shared responsibility (give and take): A major complaint I hear a lot from parents is, "My teens don't do anything around the house but eat and sleep. I can't even get them to clean their room.

" How do you get your teens to chip in and help out around the house? The answer to that question lies in having a discussion with your teens about shared responsibility and "give and take.

" Teens need to understand that all relationships are based on give and take by both parties.
If one person is always giving and the other is always taking, that relationship is unhealthy and doomed to fail. Remind your teens that as parents you provide food, shelter, transportation, funding for clothes and extra-curricular activities and much more.
Then ask your teen the two-million-dollar question: How can you contribute to and share responsibility in this family unit? If your question is asked in the right tone, your teen should have an "aha" moment! Wait for an answer; it will come.
Your teen will realize that cleaning his or her room is not such a big deal, and that doing dishes or throwing out the garbage is nothing compared to the monumental responsibility that a parent or guardian has to care for a child. As you prepare your teens for adulthood, teach them how to share in the responsibility of maintaining their home so that they will have pride in where they live and learn valuable life skills at the same time.

6. Share your stories: You were a teen once. Tell your teens about your hopes, dreams, successes and failures, so that they get to know you as a person-and call you a friend one day, as well as a parent.
By sharing stories, you break down barriers so that your teen sees you as a person, not just a parent. Be open and share your wisdom, after all, you're at least twice their age-that's a lot of experience and wisdom to offer.
One day when you teens grow up and have children of their own, those stories of "grandpa and grandma" will be carried on to the next generation!